Rebooting Advice & Observations: From Successful Rebooters

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The following pages contain advice, suggestions and observations from those going through the rebooting process.


 

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I dunno if I kinda broke the rules a bit, but I decided to go with a real partner after exactly 30 days.

Previously I couldn't sustain erection with a real partner and could not even receive oral from a real partner coz (1) her mouth couldn't stimulate the same as my hand could, and (2) I would lose erection in the middle coz I would get confused "which porn movie" I was role-playing during the action (sound familiar?).

Last night (exactly 30 days with no PMO), I had sustained oral for a LONG period of time, even stopping at times to do my own "giving" (without losing my erection) and then going back to receiving. It was amazing. So much so that my *body* was already tired from the action even if little Johnny was still going! During the action, I still had a few "flashes" in my brain about past porn fantasies/movies I've had but it was 80-90% less than before; hence I could focus on my partner instead of being distracted by "porn in the brain."

I didn't attempt condom-on vaginal penetration coz I wasn't sure I was ready for that yet, and I didn't wana ruin a great thing going (Note: I never had a problem with vaginal penetration without condom, but have had a problem with condom on).

DID I BREAK A RULE? I was lasting so long without orgasm (but with sustained erection) and *body* was getting tired so I eventually moved to something more intense on little Johnny, humping him *on* the vagina of my partner (no penetration coz no condom) until I came on her belly. Anyway, if I did break a rule, I'll consider it a "mild setback" and continue on with this no PMO which WORKS, and maybe enjoy a real partner in another month or so.

The difficult part? Last night was so great that I woke up this morning still thinking about it and having a real strong libido! Was thinking of going back to the same or another real partner today but I think I'll wait again maybe another month just to build up intensity.

(Previously I'd been on intense PMO for maybe 10 years now.)

This thing WORKS GUYS; IT WORKS, IT WORKS!!!

Congratulations on your progress. You are healing. They key for everyone is to avoid artificial and rewire to the real deal.

Does NoFap change your view of girls and relationships?

I mean... I remember how little interest I showed in girls (for the past ten years) because I felt there was nothing for me to gain [sexually]. If I wasn't going to get in bed with her, why bother?

Well, at work yesterday, I more or less had no choice but to talk to a girl I knew. It felt horribly awkward and I felt awful. After work, I got a chance to think about things and realized how great it felt to talk to a girl and that jazz, awkwardness notwithstanding. I felt more "manly" for chatting with her.

I relapsed a day ago BTW. Originally, I was going to PMO after work again. After that, I chose not to.

I'm starting to realize now that I don't have to have a chance at bedding every woman I know to have a legitimate connection with them. I feel better and a lot less pressure knowing that. Had I known that years ago, I wouldn't have lost touch with so many great women that I knew.

Enough looking at the past, I'll take care of that when the time comes; I don't regret it anyway. Now, my goal is to establish stronger connections with the girls I see today, platonic or otherwise.

In any event, has anyone here seen changes in their mind state towards girls and/or relationships?

fapfree03

100%. Not fapping to pictures of girls online that I knew but had no interest whatsoever in dating was a big problem. Mind you this was girls on my facebook, and girls I knew, not randos. I would fantasize about them, but would never, ever date them or want to be with em in real life, while not even seeing how much my girlfriends at the time meant to me. I was much more interested in my fantasy worlds than my life, even when what I had in my life was 100000x better than the people I thought about.

It's a little wordy, sorry if it's confusing.

TL:DR- Yes, 100%. Girls are people, not sex food (Bruce from Nemo voice)

stoenr

Yes. I realized that pornography is an imaginary world, something that doesn't exist, just like cartoons or our dreams. And that people starring in these movies or posing for the photos aren't happy with that. Seriously, who would be happy about the world seeing you naked or having sex?

I also think that girls are just like boys - confused, don't know what to do. We are all one group, not boys and girls. We both don't know what to do when it comes to sexual things like seducing or something like that.

I also perceive women just as women, not like gods or some weird creatures I cannot speak with. They are there, and I am here, they are people, I'm a human too.

Relationships are actually funny to me. Sure, it's fun to be with someone, but I don't see the point when someone says 'it's forever, I love him/her forever, we will be together'. Seriously, people like that should get their shit together and think realistic. When I stopped fapping I realized that I don't need anyone, or any relationship. Sure, it's a fun way to spend time with someone, but it isn't necessary in your life. There are plenty more things to do than being in a relationship.

LP83

My experience is that the communication with women has become more relaxed. I've noticed that women tend to feel less uncomfortable around me during the last month and a half. And the dirty thoughts have subsited which I find a huge benefit in any conversation with a woman!!!

stoenr

Yes, I noticed that too. My dirty thoughts are gone and now I just talk to women like I talk to my bro's.

not_impossibru

I've found that I can view women as humans not as a collection of bits and pieces that I could get off to.

Personally I've never had a "problem" talking to women, but I noticed that I can actually look women in the eye when I talk with them. It's less about what looking at women does for me now - having had to keep that in check so as not to fap etc.

–]jasze

7 days ago i was a pervert and made me difficult to talk because of shit going in my head about imagining them, now its little better for me to communicate with girls. Getting better every day.

 Zeta_Metroid

Yeah, nofap definitely seems to make your thoughts in general, but especially towards women, less hedonistic. Especially if you stop the P in PMO

Louis_DM1

NoFap definitely taught me that internet pornography isn't all it's hyped up to be. It's much better (and psychologically healthier) to establish kinship and a healthy bond with a real woman than some pixelated woman on a screen you'll never meet or have a conversation with.

nofetebutwhatwemake

Yep. All the women disappeared! And at the same time I realized that the world was full of all these people who were just like me (except female)!

(This is a follow up to my earlier 30-day report "30 Days and 90% Successful Sustained Oral")

Now getting erections and strong arousal just by involuntary fantasies of real women I know! Last time that happened was when I was a teenager. I used to think that it left me coz of age and there was no way to get those "awesome days" back again, and that it was "normal" for that type of stuff to leave me. Now I know I was wrong. No PMO rocks! (I'm in my 30s, people!)

Glad your coin well mate!

Did you M at all during your first 30 days or was it total abstinence from everything? What about the 10 days in btw the 40 day post? I think I have a case like urs.

"I vow to be a different man"

(This is a follow up to my 30-day and 40-day reports)

Actually I don't want to use the word 100% success coz I know our recovery is "non-linear," but for the FIRST time in my LIFE (I'm almost 40, btw!) I finally had CONDOM-ON SUCCESSFUL VAGINAL PENETRATION UNTIL ORGASM.

I previously couldn't sustain erection during sex with condom-on (since it didn't "feel like" masturbation which I was used to), and I couldn't sustain erection during a blow job (also coz it didn't feel like masturbation). This erection problem was compounded by "distractions in the mind" about which porn movie I was role-playing during real sex.

LAST NIGHT, I did EVERYTHING: got a great blow job, did vaginal penetration with condom-on, and kept a healthy "recurring" erection during an HOUR-LONG SEXUAL FEAST (on couch, in shower, in bed... yes, 3 locations!) with really HOT and delicious Asian gal (actually she looked kinda like a cute'n sexy Japanese porn star, LOL... but enough of that old life).

I still have around two Viagra pills from my old life (doctor-prescribed 'coz of my previous 'condom-on' erection and penetration problem) but those 2 pills can now GO TO HELL! Good riddance! ^^

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this website and forum.

About 20days ago I charmed beautiful blond girl in a club. 5days later we had two dates, both of which she couldn't forget- I couldn´t stop making her laugh. A black guy with a Masters degree who can entertain is hard to find here- she kept saying...

I am a charming, educated and successful 28yr old black living in the heart of Europe. Charming girls comes naturally to be, but my educational success came at a cost- long nights and weekends of studying alone and enduring stress. Oh I mean there is even more to it. It was coupled with hooking up with Internet porn and releasing my stress as many times as they recurred. I only found out it is the source of my woes from this website and now I am convinced it is. This truth cured half of my anxiety but the other 50% is the fact that I still havent succeeded solving it.

So lets talk about this gal and I. On that fifth & fateful day she couldnt stand the charm anymore but to drag me home. I was tired and drunk but ready to render. I drove her many times to orgasm saving penetration for a bit later, as a big suprise (I was so sure of myself, being a black guy). To my dismay my my manhood had shrunk to its all time smallest size- What? I made her come 3X with my hands and my mojo is dead? she saw it too and was a bit dissappointed but we took a break and went to bed. We had sex later with my morning hood- She came many times, but did not feel a think and I lasted too long for her. The next two dates we tried having sex and I wen from semi erection to no erection at all:( I have never felt this humiliated MY WHOLE LIFE. I haven't seen her in two weeks cos I´m terrified going back but we talk on phone.

Since my search brought me to this sight, I tried stopping PMO, but P I never quited- thanks to cam4, MO stopped for 4 days and now back to square one.

I still have a chance to win her back, and I´m willing to quit PMO, but I just dont get it right.

PPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS HELP!!!!!!!!!!

lala

If its porn-induced ED, it will heal. As you can see, we have only one solution. Everything we know is under the porn & ED tab. The start here article explains everything.

It's an addiction and you need to take steps. Look under tools for change for suggestions, and support tab for forums where you can get support. I suggest - http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

good luck

I have been rebooting for 19 days today (my longest after quite a few lapses). I felt amazing, super confident, no anxiety, more focussed.

When I watched P (I'm 30, started around 14, I think), I became addicted to more intense, rough porn pretty quickly. It's also something I've always enjoyed practicing in my personal life. Whether I enjoy this because of P or because I was naturally into it, I am not sure. It's hard to tell.

Anyway, day 15 into my reboot, I met a girl (a friend) who basically admitted she was into rough sex and wanted to do it with me, so we did it. I didn't think there was anything wrong since this was real life vs fantasy? However, I did react scenes from P with her. Since then I have definitely fantasized about her and the sex we had a lot. I've felt awful about myself since. Lost a lot of confidence + social anxiety.

What I want advice on is what I should do next. This girl wants to do it again and so do I. Should I stop seeing her altogether? Do I have sex but try hard not to fantasize about it after? Would normal sex be different to rough sex during a reboot? I can't tell what's causing the loss of confidence - the O, the fantasizing, or the roughness? I feel very lost and really not sure what to do.

Anyway, I wanted to also thank everyone on here. Since I found I was actually addicted, things have definitely changed for me. I just need to make sure I stay on the right course. Thank you.

I can't tell what's causing the loss of confidence - the O, the fantasizing, or the roughness? I feel very lost and really not sure what to do.

One guess is that orgasm may have temporarily reversed the reboot. We learn from listening to guys reboot. For whatever reason temporarily eliminating orgasms can have profound effects. Having an orgasm at day 19 is often quite different than at the 2 month period. (i'm picking 2 months for you).

I know my answer is pretty vague, but I suspect you inititaed a withdrawal, and stopped it. It doesn't mean you have lost everything, so don't view it that way.

I have been feeling very low the past few days. I had sex on day 19 of my reboot. I've been having headaches and feeling shit about everything since. Really sucks. I loved the guy I became during my reboot. I felt liberated, confident, attractive, focused and much more. I think of the scene from the movie Limitless, when he takes the transparent pill for the first time, and everything just starts to make sense. That's how I felt during my reboot(s). Now I feel terrible.

I'm truly amazed at how much P has impacted me, and held me hostage for such a large part of my life. Guys, quit P. It's very hard, but so worth it. One thing that has helped me from relapsing (I relapsed 6 times before this) is using an adult filter on my browser. I felt like a child doing this but definitely helped me so far.

I'm still on my journey and I'm really determined to get that amazing feeling back, whatever it entails giving up - sex, fantasizing, masturbation during my reboot - none of this is easy but, trust me, it's so worth it.

I'm not sure whether i posted correctly or not but at this point it doesn't matter. I'm determined to change. I've been doing this for awhile now since i was 16 and i've never really payed much attention to it. Growing up as a kid i never really had a girlfriend or anything special to do things with, i was basically a virgin living under a rock my whole life. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that i finally did get a girl to talk to and do things with. At the time i didn't know anything but i knew something was wrong. My member was not completely up to par and i could never finish. I was puzzled about this but i still continued doing what i always did...& by that i mean watching porn. Things ended with my first girl ever and on came the next, this time things started to progress more. Things still felt the same not being up to par but i figured it was normal. I was wrong, the day finally came where i thought i would lose my virginity....what could have been the greatest moment of my life turned out to be the shittiest life experience. My member would not get up when the time finally came, i tried condom and no condom and i still couldn't perform. This would be the reason my relationship would fall and crash. It only took one time to mess that up and i couldn't believe that was the reason. On came my next relationship at this point in my life i was still continueing to watch porn. I had nothing so i guess i turned to that, and it felt normal so i didn't think it would affect me. Once again i was wrong, my oppurtunity to lose my virginity was on the line again. This time my girlfriend who went away for awhile came down to visit. Prior to that visit we had talked about it and were ready to seal the deal. Everything was going great, i was up in the mood ready to go and then came the moment i had been waiting for, the more i started to think about performing prior to my last experience the worse my member fell, once again i was backed into a corner where i felt i hit rock bottom. Thank god she was my girlfriend and understood at the time, she thought it was her but i knew it wasn't her. At the time i did not know this site exist or why my problem was occurring it was bothering me so i went to visit a doctor. The doctor had told me it was either a mental problem and that id have to see someone for help. I should have started my first step to recovery here but like i said i didn't really know what my problem was. Instead of looking for help i chose the alternative way, pills. By pills I'm sure we all know what that is, thinking i was not going to strike out again by taking one of these pills i gained my confidence back. My girlfriend was finally coming down from where she had been and i had taken my pill cause i knew what the first thing we were doing when she got home. It was 6 am and i had picked her up from she had been. We got to her house and started doing things, i noticed my member was once again failing me i started to get a depressed feeling and it kept killing me it was something i could not explain yet it killed me on the inside. Nothing happened that morning and life continued itself again. I was still a virgin and life felt more harder then ever. Later that night it was Super Bowl night, i remember getting really drunk and passing out early. I guess the pill was still in effect at this point because i randomly woke up and want to have sex. Finally after the long wait my confidence was back i finally had sex. The feeling was unreal i continued to use the pills over the next 3 months because i felt that was the only way to do it. Sometimes it would fail me tho and i didn't know how to explain it i hated that i turned to that. She finally left and we broke things off. I decided to look up stuff to figure out what my problem was and then i ended up here for my first time. I took the time to read some of the the stuff and it made so much sense. I finally found my problem but i don't think i really cared still until what happened here recently. I gone 12 months without sex, but porn has been mixed in every now and then. This past saturday I was at a party and i met this really cool chick and you know i really wanted to end my streak with her.I brought her back to my house and i turned to my pill again, this time everything would be different. Everything was going good i was up to par until she finally got naked and the mood of things had changed i guess thats all it would take for me to start thinking of my problem. I started worrying about being able to perform again and everything went down hill i couldn't get up i think everything that could have been done was done and still nothing. I had never felt so lose....it was the awkwardest moment ever, you know i had been waiting for moment for so long and that happened, whats worse is she might have thought it was her. If only she knew the problem. With that being said i have finally realized my problem and i want a change for my life now. i am 3 weeks sober and i plan to continue up to 6 months i don't want to live this life. Its affected me for to long and i want a change, as others have said it won't be easy but it'll pay off in the end.

Good things come to those who wait.

porn-induced ED test: How do I know if my ED is porn-related? (TEST)  - you want to make sure that its not performance anxiety at this stage.

I also suggest looking for a forum under support.

I hope Gary doesn't get angry at me for posting this (:p), but this is my update:

50-days after zero PMO I was 99% cured of ED in real situations. Now, five months since I started, have only been getting better. 2 nights ago was the first time I had successful condom-on several-minute-penetration til orgasm with the girl *on top* (during the past 4 months I was already 'cured' of ED with condom, but only if I was on top)

However, my confession: I HAVE watched porn VERY occasionally (maybe 4 times in 4 months), unlike in the past when I was a PMO addict when I would do it every day. It does not seem to have had any bad effect on my recovery (in fact I'm even better now since porn was introduced *very occasionally*)

HOWEVER, this is my (unique) situation:

1) I have access to actual,real beautiful women for sex (so they can "compete" with pornstars in the looks department), so maybe this is one reason why the * occasional* porn didn't affect me (unlike most guys who have to do it with girls who look nothing like their porn idols).

2)Masturbation I have done more often, maybe 3 times a week but:

a) It's mostly not a product of porn. Oftentimes, in fact, it's the *days after* real sex when I'm still "hot for her" but she's not with me.

b) Moreover, I masturbate with *condom on* (which simulates more real scenario), and with a device which simulates a real female feeling.

3) When I'm aroused by porn, I do NOT satisfy the arousal with masturbation; and instead go out for some real sex with a girl who's looks are more or less up to par with the pornstars I watched.

I'm interested in what Gary or other posters may have to say about this scenario?

Cheers!

Hi all!

After all the help and support I've gotten from this community, I figured it was time for me to give something back.

This may be a long post, and some of what I'm going to say might sound contradictory to some of the messages we've gotten from this site, but know that the amount of good this site has created is astronomical, and hundreds of thousands of us from different walks of life have been helped back on our feet.

**

WARNING: SOME OF THIS IS VERY GRAPHIC AND DARK. READ WITH CAUTION, AS SOME OF YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED.

**

So what happened to me in a nutshell? I was sexually abused by my best friend as a child (he forced himself on me and violated me during sleepovers), and this in turn affected my self-esteem from age 5 onwards. Because my self-esteem and boundaries were destroyed, and there were strong overtones of emotional abuse in my household, I became very quiet, shy, and withdrawn from others, and I became the perfect victim for bullies and worse. Everything from social ostracism, to toxic friendships, to abusive teachers, to getting outright beaten up. To make matters worse, I never went to my parents with any of this, because I never felt like I could open up to them about stuff like that. It was the sort of environment where you weren’t “allowed” to be angry, sad, etc, or else you were ungrateful, or ‘had no right to feel that way’, you know?

Fast forward a few years to middle school, and I was a really awkward, angry guy, with no understanding of boundaries. Naturally, this brought about even more negativity, only it was worse, because it was primarily girls that put me down, called me ‘ugly’, etc.
Deep down, I slowly grew to distrust and hate people and resent girls, and I wasn’t even aware of it because I repressed and discounted my feelings so powerfully. I was very out of touch with myself, and had zero self-confidence. I had a very bad case of Nice Guy entitlement syndrome, and I absolutely hated the confident guys that I saw as obnoxious, who got all the girls.

Naturally, high school wasn’t a whole lot better. It was probably the most scarring period of my life. This is when I really got into porn and used it as an escape. The women on porn could never hurt me, and I could see them as I liked and could degrade them as I saw fit. Furthermore, it was in angry rebellion against the values of my conservative parents, who basically left me out to dry when it came to sex education. (To give you an idea of how they were about sexuality: you never talked about it. It was a taboo topic. And if they caught you with anything like an erotic book or picture you were ‘perverted’ or ‘depraved’. If you brought home a girl, you were ‘only going to get her pregnant, catch STD’s, and ruin your life for that skank’. Etc.)

I would go on porn for hours on end. From the moment class ended I would be running back home just so I could get an extra half-hour, and eight to ten hours could easily go by before I stopped (since my parents would come home). Quite simply put, I had no other sexual outlets. I was terrified of intimacy, and even when girls liked me I was clueless. This went on from about 14-18 years old, and by then, I was very desensitized, and had a very warped and skewed perspective on sex, women, relationships, etc. (Seriously, stuff like “All women can be turned into lesbians” was floating around in my subconscious!).

In my last year of high school, I was lucky enough to be intimate with a girl who liked me for years. I couldn’t even get it up with her, despite how attracted I was to her. She was deeply hurt, and so was I. And I was scarred in the sense that full-on sex was just too much at once; I’d barely even kissed a girl before then. Combined with the abuse (which I barely remembered, and had a distorted memory of what it was), at the back of my mind, I started to wonder “What if I was gay and never knew it?”.

University wasn’t much better. I was very isolated much of the time, watching porn, being angry and violent, etc.

After being alone and rejected by one too many girls after a time, and a history of difficulty having sex with women from ED, I was sexually harassed by gay men (I had no boundaries and shit self-esteem), and it seemed like only gay men were attracted to me and wanted me. I was so depressed, and I was totally thrown for a loop. I read articles about hocd, gay denial, coming out stories, etc for hours on end, and occasionally forced myself to watch gay porn in an effort to “check”, even though I wasn’t attracted to men, physically or otherwise.

After a while, I discovered this website and realized I had a problem with porn, and tried my best to work on that throughout university. With varying degrees of success, failure, etc. I felt absolutely wretched the whole time, and I hated myself.

Here is the terrifying part of my story though, that will totally blindside you, shock you, and throw you for a loop like it did me when I found out.

I was sexually abused again. This time by a man I considered my mentor and friend.

He was a close friend of the family; an uncle, really. It turned out that he had been grooming me for years, ever since I was 12. I just never realized that what he was doing was weird, because my boundaries were already destroyed. What basically began as seemingly innocent conversations about girls led into more explicit conversations, comments about my body, encouraging watching porn and erotic movies together and asking to see my dick, etc, until he physically abused me.

I was twenty-fucking-one when he outright propositioned giving oral sex to me. By then, I was so shaken up, so depressed, so thoroughly groomed and desensitized, so ashamed and afraid of saying ‘no’, etc, that I actually went along with it, even though every instinct I had was to run the hell home. In my mind, I ‘had to know for sure’, to make sure once and for all that I wasn’t gay or bisexual. He violated me, and he had been grooming me over YEARS. Moving so slowly, carefully, cautiously, like a spider, or a boxer probing his opponent’s defenses before the knockout punch. I didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late.

After it happened, I felt numb. I only knew instinctively on the most primal level that he was poisonous to have in my life. He had been one of my only friends, and I looked up to him. Hell, I loved him as I would an eccentric uncle or a father that I never had. And it was so scarring to finally see him as he really was, and I realized I never knew the man at all. I have no doubt in my mind that he has abused other people. (He was also sexually abused by the way). I distanced myself from him, cut off all contact, and told my parents about everything.

A year of therapy later, and I realized that porn was only the tip of the iceberg: it was the sexual abuse, and the toxic shame about my sexuality (from my parents, peers, rejection from girls, toxic views of women, etc) that was the problem. It might have taken me years to even realize what it all was if I hadn’t gone for help.
Now, I can honestly say to you guys that I’m not addicted to porn any more, because the shame, anger, and fears and difficulties with intimacy that I had before are slowly healing, and I no longer see porn as inherently harmful, just a bad habit that can catch up with you if you do it too much (like shopping, drinking, etc). As such, the urge and compulsion to watch videos is no longer there. I’d much rather make love with a real woman, or even just hold the hand of someone I love and have a conversation with her. I've finally been able to be truly intimate with women, and I've been able to have successful, satisfying sex for the first time in my life.

So have faith, there is light at the end of the tunnel my friends. Thank you so much to all of you. You have all been instrumental in my healing. I wish you all the best on your journeys, and do not hesitate to message me if you ever have any questions.

All the best,

-Kyle B

ADVICE FOR REBOOTERS

1) Start with straight up abstaining from porn and maturbation, and have faith in the nofap community. This is the beginning.

2) Identify any cognitive distortions that porn has given you. (Ex: “Women are always primed for sex”. “All women enjoy being degraded”. “All women are bisexual.” “I deserve sex from beautiful women” “Women are objects, not human beings”. Etc etc). Write them out so you can get them out of your head and start to change your thoughts.

3) Figure out what it actually is that’s eating you up. It’s not the porn that’s the real problem. It’s the toxic shame you probably feel about sexuality, or the fear of rejection or intimacy, or the anger from childhood/adolescent wounds. You’re not a creep for watching porn or wanting sex. You’re not abnormal. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a human being. You have been hurt and had to retreat into something. And once you get to the bottom of whatever painful feelings and experiences you’ve had, and you truly start to heal, you’ll find that the desire to watch porn as much as you were before will fade away until you don’t even care about porn anymore. It’s just something that you’ve left behind. Start developing sex-positive views.

4) Start changing your actual life habits. Staying home alone playing video games or watching porn isn’t going to do much for you in the long-run. If you want different results, start changing the way you think, and what you do every day. Exercise. Go out with friends. Go out to events. Have fun! Meet people! Try new things! If you try to go cold turkey on porn (something you’ve depended on to manage your emotions and hide from your pain) without actually changing your life habits or thoughts, then of course you’ll remain dependent on porn. You are a human being with human needs, such as love, intimacy, physical gratification, etc. If porn offered that to you, you are not perverted, depraved, or bad for doing so. It was something that helped you survive. Now, it’s time to forgive yourself and change your life, so that you don’t need it anymore.

5) Forgive yourself, and change your life. Don’t beat yourself up for looking up a nude picture or looking at a video when you ‘relapse’. You’re a human being who hasn’t been getting your needs met, so your needs have been met artificially up to now. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are a member of the human race, with valid feelings, gifts, and a right to happiness. If any other person were given your experiences, they would have done the exact same thing.
In time, you’ll find that the real problem had to do with masturbating too much, and hating yourself and thinking that something was wrong with you all along. It’s the fear of intimacy, and feeling shame about sexuality that is your true enemy.

P.S: I’d highly recommend getting in touch with your true fantasies that turn you on and make you happy, no matter how ‘weird’ they might seem, because these give you the strongest indicators as to who you are and what you’re into. (Read the “savage love” column by Dan Savage to get sound advice on sexuality.)

kb

Im 25 days into my reboot and I have not even had the slightest desire to look at porn...I had a slight flat line phase but since day 21, my libido has been through the roof. I look at men more confidently and I'm more hungry for them. I have had very strong erections from just imagining a guy at faces smile or face or kissing him. I did not M during my first 22 days but these last three evenings, I am going to bed and I imagine laying next to the guy at work and BOOM, boner....and it felt so good I couldn't resist.

I was reading about how plain old masturbation can be bad for u too, but if I am doing it to real men, is it still bad? I also made a 6 mo commitment of no penetrative sex so I can really get back to where I was. Am I already healing quicker than expected? Should I not M at all? I read also testosterone levels after ejaculation have a 14 day build up (meaning after 14 days from your ejaculation, your urges have climaxed). Should I set a "schedule" to M if I am still getting healthy natural erections from fantasizing about real men until I start sex again?

Would love your insight on this....

"I vow to be a different man"

As you can imagine YBOP receives many questions concerning masturbation, ejaculation, sex, etc. But the only suggestion we have is to eliminate artificial sexual stimulation. Each person is running a one person experiment.

As for testosterone, one study found a spike of blood testosterone around day 7 of abstinence. There appears to be no other effects on T caused by either ejaculation or abstinence. See

Testosterone Research versus Testosterone Myths

 

 

Thank you for your help, I'm going to read the article and take some notes.

Is there anyone else here that has a similar case to mine? I already enjoy fantasy with real men over pornography. It actually excites me more. I would love to read about someone else who has experienced situations like mine and their road to complete reebooting. I'm curious how they handled things

Thanks for this awesome site...every young boy in America should learn the detrimental effects of porn.

"I vow to be a different man"

but there are thousands on this site, so I wouldn't know how to locate. All that matters is that this is working for you. It matters not what happens with any one else.

I'm really trying to stop PMO. I just fail every single time. I have multiple triggers. I already PMOd three times today. I have tried to stop over and over again. Even had a girlfriend for a while but still didn't stop. I tried to explain it to her but she didn't seem to quite understand. I never brought it up again. We stayed together for a while and then I broke it off. I'm stressed. College is kicking my butt and I'm turning to PMO every single day. I feel nervous and jittery and unfocused when I don't PMO. What do I do? Please help me:(

I have been PMOing almost every single day for 10+ years. My neural networks for PMO have been reinforced and are solid!

but it gets easier if you can stay consistent for a few weeks.

If you've been at this for a while, my guess is that you need some help. There are many support groups that meet in person. That would probably be very helpful. You would probably benefit from an accountability partner, preferably one you know in person.

Contact one of the organizations on this page: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/discussion-board

Meanwhile it usually helps to learn what's going on in your brain:                  

http://yourbrainonporn.com/adolescent-brain-meets-highspeed-internet-porn (It's useful for all ages.)

If you need a plan: http://yourbrainonporn.com/reboot_your_brain        

 

 

Background: I have never had a relationship, and never really been touched by a girl including my own parents who are very hug averse
I have several sisters and have grown up around em though around age fifteen I moved away and only saw occasionally after that
Never really been hugged and such by them either, really, as far as physical contact goes, I have barely ever been touched, girl or guy.
Now I am finally back in contact with em and they have grown pretty hug happy
And...um
I have occasionally had some sort of movement down there while being hugged by em which is disconcerting and terrifying
Mentally they are my sisters and I don't want anything like this
I could just be exaggerating because I am aware I haven't had a full on erection or anything
But Ian still worried
In the peaks of my addiction, I unfortunately have had fantasised about them, but it wasn't that frequent and stopped pretty soon with me escalating onto other stuff
So my worry and question is
Have I permanently damaged myself?
Am I sexually attracted to my bloody sisters? Ones who I was around fairly frequently during childhood if not the same roof?
Is this shit going to fade and my brain understand that they are family? Should I expect a full on erection In my future as I get beyond two weeks and then kill myself out of depression over having caused this to myself?
HALP

A small update:
The incidents I mentioned where I thought or actually felt something happened twice, and both times I was anxious.
I have used porn a lot when I was anxious, SPECIFICALLY so, as I read that it could 'help' with the anxiety, before I became aware of all this shit.
Could it just be that my OCD like worry and the anxiety caused me to get or think I was getting aroused during those moments? I know for certain that the first time it was definitely in my head, but the second time I felt some kind of movement and then comes the over the top fear and everything.
I do have intrusive fears about pornography having damaged my sexual tastes in this way and not being able to talk to my own sisters if something like this(this being unwanted attraction to female siblings/cousins) actually ends up being true, which probably plays into it. I am also aware that's part of my withdrawal, because when I was using and before that, I never had such fears.

Please, any theories even would help. I may have written this in a bit of a confusing way, so if you require any clarification, please ask.

something like this(this being unwanted attraction to female siblings/cousins)
CORRECTION
something like this(this being *potential* unwanted attraction to female siblings/cousins, caused by years of PMO and the unfortunate fantasizing done as a young teenager as I felt fantasies were harmless and I didn't actually want it, it was just another way to get off.)

An edit button would be helpful >_>; Again, this is just a worry and I have not had a true erection yet, and most of the time when I have been hugged it's been just that, a hug.
However, this worry is killing me so some kind of informed opinion would really help ;_; I really REALLY hope that porn has not permanently rewired me in a horrible manner like this, or if it has, that it will fade.

Some additional info:
Been using porn since I was 12, and got continuous access when I was 20(but before then I still had frequent access by way of mass downloading it and newer materials.).

Men get erections all the time, for all kinds of reasons. The more you try to assign some Big Importance to these erections, the more anxious you could get. So just imagine yourself laughing and saying, "Well, there goes my silly dick again!" if/when it happens. If instead you get all upset, the anxiety itself can create feelings that increase your sense of being aroused (adrenaline and cortisol, stress chemicals)...and then you could end up really confused.

Basically, what you keep doing - or what you resist - gets stronger. In contrast, what you ignore eventually tends to lose its "charge."

More importantly, what can you do to get yourself more healthy touch from potential mates? As you probably realize, touch is really, really healthy. Have a look at these two articles:

The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

Tools to Connect

You are in charge of training your brain, but you have to keep a sense of humor with your sexuality, because it can have some wayward ideas of its own. Just be gentle with yourself and persistent in paying no attention to your erection when it gives you signals you don't like. Also, avoid fantasizing about anything you don't want to be a turn on. Those signals will fade.

If you want to read stories from other guys' whose sexual tastes disappeared after they quit porn (which is different, but parallel to your thoughts pushing you around...until you stop letting them), visit this page:

Are my fetishes porn-induced?

What about fantasizing during a reboot?

Good luck!

Oh wow, I didn't notice that you replied right before I posted my then-new comment @_@; oops.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply!

Yes, I now realize the importance of touch in my life, from family and friends in general as well. I am still a bit awkward with it and am not at complete ease with it yet, but it helps in a way like nothing else, even if I don't notice it then itself.

You are right, I am attaching importance to this that it doesn't deserve. I guess in part of not going through proper puberty and also fear of losing family which is a whole other issue so ignore that >_>;
Haven't fantasized about any of my family in a long time now, and will not again.

Thank you so much for replying! I finally feel a sense of normalcy with myself again. It's going to take a bit of practice to not freak out if I feel like this again, but knowing my mind is going through all these changes and that anxiety in and of itself is my trigger helps, so it will be easier to remind myself that I am not permanently screwed, lol.

And after reading the page on touch and bonding, yep, I am turning into a hugger...in a different context, that sounds horribly wrong, dear god.

Agan, I cannot state this enough, THANK YOU. My sisters are incredibly important to me and my support group in most areas as well(they know about my addiction as well), it would have torn me apart if I had managed to to convince myself this was a real thing and isolated myself from all of them.
THANK YOU, seriously, I am on the verge of tears here.

It would be bad for your sisters too if you isolated yourself from hugging them. Huggers are good!

When you feel anxious, there are lots of things you can do to calm down. Check out this page for ideas: http://yourbrainonporn.com/solo-tools

If you're short of time, the things that help the most are exercise, meditation, time in nature, socializing, staying offline, and beneficial stressors like cold showers.

Trust me, these habits are like hugging...they'll benefit you throughout your life.

Let us know how you get on.

*big hug*

I am experiencing DErealization and DEpersonalization disorders recently i.e this month may be from 1st mostly due to stress n other things long story short I realized that the withdrawal symptoms of no pmo (SINCE 18TH MAY DID FLAP TWICE WITH OUT PORN ON 6TH JUNE) has added to it making it worst... I have stayed with out pmo since... now its been 13 days without pmo I feel frustrated, I get irritated n stupid -ve thoughts in my head is killing me ,anxiety and panic attacks have reduced now but I have weird dreams of porn N other things which won't affect me ,I have the will power to not pom and I laugh thinking how crazy my brain is lol but I haven't PMOed yet .. I have googled extensively trying to understand whats happening in my brain it all makes sense I have low dopamine as I have stopped PMO I know my D2 receptors density is low cause of excessive PMO n now I am trying to keep up with my sufferings hoping that a low dopamine will trigger my brain to increase my D2 receptor density I am eating once or twice a day n I understand that caffeine should block A2A receptors and allow dopamine to hit D2 receptors EASILY which explains why i feel +ve when on caffeine other research show that caffeine increases D2 receptors density .. well I have been trying to go for a long walk everyday hoping my d2 receptor density will increase I listen to music cause I feel soo much better after and I meditate less cause I wanna increase my D2 receptors density not dopamine that way I can have amazing sensitivity to dopamine later ...btw is this true "polyphenol in green tea helps increase dopamine levels, which ultimately could up regulate (increase) the level of dopamine receptors" I used to drink green tea n also caffeinated drinks which I have stopped it all together.. I don't mind this sufferings I mean I have done this to myself so i'm healing now but what really bothers me is that I love a girl and I have such a brain fog that i can't feel the insane love i have for her , its like I have lost all emotions ... I look at her photos trying to feel the love for her but i can't feel shit...I can push my brains to remember or feel that love by listening to a few songs which will force all feelings to come back but it causes a lot of stress which is not wise and I know that its all cause of low dopamine and stress will reduce dopamine even further n I have a lot of -ve thoughts feelings worthlessness.. all ways think -ve about myself its cause of low dopamine so I understand n try not to go crazy.. I remember everything but with no emotions for example say u went for a movie with your friend yesterday and u really enjoyed n next day u remember going to movie and everything but the feelings are missing u feel like it happened years ago or something like that ... I know I am very bad at explaining things but I hope u ppl are able to understand what i'm trying to say.. These are the same things witten under DR ( derealization ) and DP (depersonalization)symptom but clearly this withdrawal of PMO has added to it big time

Symptoms of depersonalization include:
•Feelings that you're an outside observer of your thoughts, feelings, your body or parts of your body, perhaps as if you were floating in air above yourself
•Feeling like a robot or that you're not in control of your speech or movements
•The sense that your body, legs or arms appear distorted, enlarged or shrunken, or that your head is wrapped in cotton
•Emotional or physical numbness of your senses or responses to the world around you
•A sense that your memories lack emotion, and that they may or may not be your own memories

Symptoms of derealization include:
•Feelings of being alienated from or unfamiliar with your surroundings, perhaps like you're living in a movie
•Feeling emotionally disconnected from people you care about, as if you were separated by a glass wall
•Surroundings that appear distorted, blurry, colorless, two-dimensional or artificial, or a heightened awareness and clarity of your surroundings
•Distortions in perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past
•Distortions of distance and the size and shape of objects

SEE ??
The exact cause of depersonalization-derealization disorder isn't well-understood. However, it appears to be linked to an imbalance of certain brain chemicals called

neurotransmitters, which can make a brain vulnerable so that heightened states of stress and fear may lead to the disorder.( LOW DOPAMINE, LOW GABA ,RAISE IN CRF WHICH HAPPENS AFTER WITHDRAWAL ) EXPLAINS EVERYTHING IT ALL MAKES SENSE

Depersonalization: Dopamine promotes emotional expression and helps us process how we feel. With low levels of dopamine, it may feel as if all of the color and zest gets sucked out of life. A person with dopaminergic-based depersonalization may feel as if no activity brings them pleasure. They feel as if their “core” personality has changed and as if they are observing themselves from a third-person perspective. It is common for addicts with low dopamine to become depersonalized.

I NEED HELP !! I NEED A WAY TO FIX THIS ATLEAST TO A EXTENT THAT THIS DR AND DP IS GONE AND I CAN FEEL LOVE AND FEEL AMAZING ABOUT MYSELF GET RID OF THOSE -VE THOUGHTS .... WHEN I'M ON CAFFEINE I FEEL +VE BUT I KNOW ITS A TEMPORARY SOLUTION N CAN CAUSE ANOTHER ADDICTION WHICH I NEED TO BREAK MY HEAD ABOUT LATER SO NEED TO FIX DOPAMINE OR d2 RECEPTOR DENSITY WHICH WILL FIX THIS BUT HONESTLY INCREASING MY D2 RECEPTOR DENSITY IS BEST OPTION SO I REALLY NEED A WAY TO DO THIS PLZ DON'T SUGGEST ANY TYPES OF MEDICINE AS ITS ANOTHER ADDICTION N TEMPORARY SOLUTION I AM WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO FIX THIS I'M READY TO GO WITH OUT PMO AS LONG AS I HAVE TO BUT ALSO WANT TO KNOW IF IT WAS OK TO M/flap WITH OUT PORN MAY BE TWICE A WEEK WOULD THAT HAVE A -VE EFFECT ON REBOT OR WOULD IT DELAY THE HEALING IF SO I WILL NOT flap/M...WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL AT ONCE !!

I'VE ALSO EXPERIENCED GOOD THINGS AT TIME LIKE +VE FEELINGS, INCREASE SELF CONFIDENCE, CAN ALSO FEEL THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MY GIRL... THIS HAPPENED AFTER I SAW A 3d MOVIE WHICH I REALLY ENJOYED WHICH SURELY INCREASED MY DOPAMINE WELL ENOUGH BUT DOESNT LAST FOR LONG AND AS DOPAMINE REDUCESES I LOOSE ALL FEELINGS ALONG WITH IT WHICH IS FUSTRATING

I'm a 29 year old married man and have been for the past eight years to a beutifull women. I started watching porn at an early age like most of us, and I realized it was a problem when my wife stumbled upon my search history when I didn't clear it early in our marriage. It traumatized her and ahe was very angry, and found it difficult to trust me. We worked it out and I cut out porn cold turkey after some elderly counseling. Fast forward years later I found myself looking at porn and masterbating in secret. Within the past year or so I have found it extremely difficult to break away from porn and I realized there was an addiction problem. With the help of an app for iPhone called brain buddy I have found much success.
Here's some
Notable aspects I have seen change since sobering up if you will.
1. High energy levels
2. More intense orgasms
3. More intimate experience when having sex with my wife
4. Dramatically less mood swings
5. Boost in moral and conscience.
When I used porn as a stimulant I would regularly have sex with my wife and never experienced the dressed and scary porn endured erectile dysfunction. I would however, implement fetishes I had when I watched porn such as " cum
Shots", erotic postitions, telling her to speak specific terms I liked to hear in my favorite porn stars.
One thing I did stop doing and I think it may help for those forum stances are similar to mine is NOT to initiates actions you like to see in porn with your partner. I have found not pulling out has been a euphoric experience with my wife, more than ever. Before I would prefer to stimulate me with her mouth or hands for ejaculation, but cutting hat out I believe has helped me diminish thoughts of porn and aid in the reboot.

I also limited all forms of masturbating. Viewing social media pages of attractive women was a trigger.